From the trenches to the altars …
Spiritual Dissonance
You’ve probably heard the term cognitive dissonance before, it refers to the discomfort or confusion a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or when holding two contradictory beliefs at the same time. Like loving cows and loving hamburgers. No shade if you love hamburgers ;) Well recently I’ve been experiencing what feels like spiritual dissonance. The discomfort and confusion my spirit feels when my human experience and the divine can’t seem to coexist. The extreme depravity of what is happening on Earth right now is clashing with my belief that we are all souls born of the love of the divine. I have been glitching in and out of the matrix y’all trying to wrap my head and heart around how people would rather choose apathy and known delusion over truth, compassion and acknowledgement. We are literally an interdependent species and planet where the majority of humans follow a religion or spiritual belief that extols the virtue of love and yet most folks are clinging to their role in the Truman Show, admiring the emperor’s non existent new clothes and happily doubling down on individualism - not my people, not my problem. No one naming the elephant in the room is crazy making y’all. I hit a point of exhaustion from holding myself up against the incessant machine of genocide, gas lighting, extractive capitalism, ecocide and injustice. Anyone else feel me on this?
Ok, now here is what else is true. I am expanding my capacity as a spiritual being having a human experience. I am moving the edge of what I can hold. I am deepening my strength to be here now and I am deepening my faith in the loving intelligence that holds us all. This spiritual dissonance, this glitching in and out of the matrix, this breaking of my heart won’t kill me. Never count me out. Never count life out. Never count love out. We are made for this. This is not a retreat, this is not a set back. This is not a loss. This is a blessed incubation. A holy resurrection. So. I surrender. Look for me to rise again.
After a recent workshop a woman came up to me and said, “I can tell you’ve been through a lot. I know this because you have such a capacity to hold the room, to hold everyone and what they’re bringing.” Yes, it’s true I’ve been through a lot but the thing I’m realizing makes me most capable of holding you, your past, present and future is this. This practice I have of holding the incomprehensible extremes of being both human and divine. The practice I have of not looking away when injustice and hurt impale and injure. The practice I have of doubling down on my faith in spirit. This dance between two diametrically opposed experiences is what gives me the capacity to be with you and whatever you bring. Sometimes I get pulled into the deep end of human profanity and sometimes I get lifted to the highest heights of spirit, but I always come back to center, feet on the ground heart connected to heaven.
Tell me. Does any of this resonate? Have a different take? Hit reply. I want to hear what you think and feel.