HOW TO TELL YOUR STORY AND WHY IT MATTERS
A woman who knows who she is and what she stands for
What if I told you that the version of your story that you tell yourself and others directly determines the quality and trajectory of your life and business?
Would you take more care to craft the best version of that story? Would you be more mindful, investigating its subtle details? Would you take the opportunity to frame your story in such a way that it sets you up for a life of peace, satisfaction and success?
Without understanding why this matters, without context, this “tell your story” encouragement can sound glib, like trendy jargon, like fluff. You hear it everywhere. Everyone is talking about “the narrative” because we recognize the effect of what happens when stories are wielded like magic wands. We know that stories told in media, culture, family, religion, business places, school or even amongst friends not only direct perspectives, but ultimately shape behaviors.
Now it’s time to understand how this can work for you in your own life. How can you craft your story to tap into this power of influence and world creation?
Before we get into it, it must be said that I am in no way implying or intending for you to interpret my direction to consciously craft your story as “pretend things didn’t happen” or “make up a falsification about reality”. My framework is a tool to improve and empower your perspective, it is not carte blanche to spiritually bypass or get delusional. Clear? Cool. Now, read on for how to start telling your own best story for immediate impact in your life.
Most of us adopt stories told about us, unaware of our subjugation to someone else’s spell.
Here’s how that happens. You’re not fully conscious of the story you believe and tell about yourself and it’s a disempowering one. You unknowingly let conditioning, influence and shame dictate the story of who you are. At best, this has you believing a host of superlatives based on a group you were born into, your external appearance or achievements. At worst, when you blindly accept someone else’s story of you, you can adopt negative, hurtful and detrimental ideas about yourself. This can lead to your whole life being sabotaged by an underlying, unconscious, looping narrative that says you’re not good enough, less valuable, unlovable, undignified, destined for nothing or insert any other demeaning generalization. This trajectory puts clarity of purpose, success and self-empowerment out of reach.
“Those who tell the stories rule the world.”
― Hopi American Indian Proverb
Harmful stories are often told about groups or types of people, but there’s also the acute infection that comes from being told something about you, the individual.
For example, a teacher says you won’t amount to anything and then years later you condemn yourself as unambitious or lazy. A parent says you’re a miserable person and you take that on, thereafter ashamed of the part of you that feels melancholy. After a while we no longer need that external push in the wrong direction, we’ve now been conditioned to think less of ourselves. For example, your first attempt at becoming an entrepreneur doesn’t pan out, you then deem yourself a failure and decide you’re only good enough to work for others. Your last few relationships didn’t pan out, you conclude you can’t trust yourself to choose the right partner. Do you see how unexamined stories can default to blame, shame and self attack?
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou
When Maya Angelou speaks of the agony of an untold story she isn’t simply referring to that unfinished novel or screenplay. She’s speaking to the untold truth you hold back. She’s speaking to the withholding of your testimony to your own greatness. She’s speaking to your reluctance to pick up the power of your voice and wield it. She’s acknowledging that you have everything you need to break out of whatever groundhog day you’re living and raise your frequency from victim to creator.
The greatest story ever told is the story you tell yourself about yourself.
Why? Because this story repeats and reiterates non stop. It becomes a BELIEF that operates and creates from the background of your consciousness, drawing unto you experiences, people and circumstances that match that energy and perspective.
On the micro level, every single day your default story influences all your choices. From what you choose to wear, to how you hold your posture, from the colors you choose for your brand, to the price you charge, from the type of clients you attract, to the tone of your voice when you speak about yourself, from the words you use to describe what you do, to what you hold possible for yourself and your life. All of these inputs into the direction of your life come from that story you tell yourself about who you are.
Do you see now how your story has tremendous power? If it’s an unconscious narrative woven with threads of self judgment and negativity, that perspective will keep you small, mired in victimhood and powerless. A positive story imbued with intention, love, compassion and power will lift your life up.
A consciously crafted story is one you face head on, shining the light of your loving attention on it, looking for truth, kindness, potency and fingerprints of the divine.
You’d be wise to use your story as a way to amplify God’s benevolent hand in your life, to celebrate the awesome depth of your spirit, your wisdom and your grace. Consciously drafting and owning your truth, the mythos of who you’re here to be, rewrites your past, present and future. Embodying it turns on a new broadcast signal, a tractor beam for the reality you want to create. This is how new relationships, money, health, wellbeing and divine connection access and flow into your experience.
How does this magical storytelling actually work?
According to behavioral scientist Susan Weinschenk, you use more of your brain when you listen to a story than when you listen to a series of facts. Hence, storytelling leads to a richer experience, which results in an increased level of interest, interaction and retention from your audience. In fact, it’s been scientifically proven that we recall stories with more ease than facts. Now, knowing that, would you market yourself or your business with facts or with potent storytelling?
Make the connection here, this neuro science applies first and foremost to you.
You don’t tell yourself facts about who you are - you tell yourself stories about who you are and those scenes stick. This is why crafting that message is taking authority over your life, it’s self empowerment and sovereignty in the domain of your consciousness.
I personally had a detrimental unconscious story of who I was. A negative and victimy self belief was running in my background and it kept me thinking and living small. I was telling myself, and therefore telling others, I was destined for less in life because I was an immigrant woman of color who suffered from trauma, depression and anxiety. Destined for less because I chose to opt out of the traditional career path but never made a name for myself, made a million, etc. The tale on repeat was I was failing at being an entrepreneur and failing at being a successful adult.
This is how I shifted everything …
It wasn’t until I consciously examined my stories without the distorting lens of shame and internalized racism, sexism and capitalism, that I began to see the truth.
Hunting down and uprooting those toxic implanted ideas, I began to see my life from a loving, wise and compassionate perspective. I finally got that my worthiness is not less than anyone else’s. That I am entitled to benevolent divine support, my access to spirit is the same as the pope’s. I was able to accept that my ancestors endowed me with gifts, not just burdens. I started to own the fact that I’m wildly intuitive and intelligent with significant healing powers. Removing shame and internalized disparagement, I was able to claim that I am an experienced, brilliant creative wielding a powerful imagination. The truth of my story is I have a long and impressive list of bold accomplishments. And, with the self attack interrupted, I finally saw the staggering amount of obstacles and tragedies I overcame and grew from.
For so much of my life, I was unaware of how freaking awesome I was. And, if you’ve not done this truth telling inventory, then the same can be said for you. You’re sleeping on how amazing you really are!
Your unique experiences, talents and forged strengths need to be lifted up and celebrated. This exercise will reveal and activate your purpose, superpowers and blessings. When I took stock of the truth of my story, I started to rewrite the coding in my brain, psyche and soul. I’m still on this journey of changing my life from the inside but the transformation to date has already been a revolution.
I am no longer my own worst enemy. I am my advocate and my ally.
This makes all the difference when it comes to obvious things like self confidence, self love and mental health but it’s made the same level of impact in my career, my business, my branding, my prices, my ability to get big things done and how I’m perceived by others.
Here’s how you apply this to your life …
I’ve come up with my own easy three part framework for telling your story. This will give you a taste of what’s possible.
In a disempowered version of your story the parts are …
Inherited misfortune
Proof of failure of inferiority
Snuffing your spark
In an empowered version of your story the parts are …
Original blessing in disguise
Seeing your strength
Believing in yourself
Let’s say your unconscious default story goes something like …
Inherited Misfortune:
“My family has always been poor and dysfunctional. No Brady Bunch. My parents had issues, their parents had issues and that’s pretty much all I ever got from them.”
Proof of Failure or Inferiority:
“I went to college and tried to do a traditional career but I couldn’t hack it. Life was knocking me down with bad relationships, depression, money problems, family troubles, and health issues. So now I’m back to being broke. People like me don’t get a lot of opportunities and I’ve never been really good at anything so I'll probably end up like my parents.”
Snuffing Your Spark:
“When I was sick, I discovered energy healing and working with essential oils. It helped me feel better and got me interested. So I took classes and a certification course. I’d love to have a career doing this but I don’t think energy work and essential oils can pay the bills. My family thinks it’s crazy. Besides, who would hire someone with no experience, who’s still a mess and still broke?”
The perspective that underpins this unconscious life story is one of failure, victimhood and hopelessness.
Now, let’s hear and feel what it sounds like when we shine the light of truth on it, when we view this life through the lens of the divine.
Original Blessing in Disguise:
“When I was young my family didn’t have a lot of money, my parents were under a lot of stress and things at school weren’t easy. It was challenging, but the way I grew up cultivated a deep resilience, creativity and compassion in me. When challenges arise I know I can handle them because I was forged in that fire.”
Seeing Your Strength:
“Despite the heaviness of my early days, I put myself through university and went on to pursue a career. I gave it my all but discovered that a corporate trajectory was not for me. I think all along God wanted me to make my own way in the world and champion my own gifts and ideas. The choice to step off a traditional path was bold, especially since I was healing from heartache, trauma, poor health and depression. It wasn’t easy but I overcame so much and I’m proud of myself. When I was sick, I discovered energy healing and working with essential oils. It was no accident, I found the thing that lit me up and pointed to my purpose.”
Believing in Yourself:
“I spent the last few years studying this path of healing work and transforming my life. I’ve come so far so I know I can make this work, I know I can make a difference for others with this medicine. I went from feeling like I was failing, scared to repeat my family’s legacy of poverty and hurt, to finding and owning my own path. I have so much wisdom and compassion to share and I believe in the vision in my heart.”
I hope you can feel the difference and see how these stories set up two vastly different experiences of life.
Remember, your default perspective will also impact your business and your brand story telling.
This can look like … speaking about your service or product with no confidence, choosing images, fonts and colors that downplay your brilliance, undercharging, withholding your truth and subconsciously making yourself invisible to your ideal clients!
Now, flip the script on your story using my framework.
Jot down the disempowered points of your story …
Inherited misfortune
Proof of failure of inferiority
Snuffing your spark
Then rewrite it from an empowered perspective …
Original blessing in disguise
Seeing your strength
Believing in yourself
Notice how this new rendition feels. What revelations came up as you tried on a new outlook? Take it a step further, share the new version of your story with someone and observe. How do you feel when you speak about yourself this way? How did the listener respond?
I’d love to hear how this went for you - please drop me a line.
This alchemical process is foundational to the work that I do.
It starts with examining the unexamined and doing so through a lens of compassion and curiosity.
What if the thing you’re ashamed of, the thing you think is wrong with you, is actually a strength, a superpower, a portal into loving yourself and seeing your brilliance?
When I work with clients I’m looking at them, their story, their life through the loving lens of the divine, an untainted zoomed out perspective that allows me to see their pathway, power and potential.
From the reclaiming and retelling of your story the fun really begins as we work on embodiment of your gifts and stepping into the allness of you and how you are meant to live and give in this world.
If you’re interested in life and brand transformations that shift how you feel about yourself, weave in the divine and create new realities, then book time for us to talk on my website.